Guess What Day It Is Mateys!!

[Bill Shea]

Avast Ye Mateys....

September 19^th , ya scurvy dogs... By using the power vested in us by the International Board of Chubby Old Bald Pirate Guys, we are here to remind you that this is a major holiday....

It’s once again...

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!!

“Soooo, Cap’n Chubby Graybeard...” (that’s my pirate name....) “How can a person such as myself, erudite and lucid, learn how to conversate and communicate in the manner of a swash buckling freebooter?”

Well matey... I’m here to learn ya....

The first part of learning how to Talk Like a Pirate (hereafter known as TLAP because I’m a lazy typer...) is to learn the 5 “A” s...

These are the 5 words that are essential to any pirate vocabulary and form the basis for any conversation... These words are...

1. AHOY!

Ahoy is the generic pirate greeting... when you meet someone in the hall, you say, “Ahoy” and you can add a “matey” or “ya scurvy dog” or something similar to make it more personable...

2. AVAST!

This is a way of getting someone’s attention... it’s the pirate version of “HEY!!” or “DUDE!!” as in... “Avast! Beware yon banana peel!”

3. AYE!

This is pirate speak for “You betcha” or “I agree”.... As in, “Aye, you be so right Cap’n...”

4. AYE AYE!

Not the same as “Aye”... Two “ayes” indicates that you understand and will do what you’re told... as in “Aye, aye Cap’n, I’ll get ye those spreadsheets as soon as I finish me grog”

And finally, the most important of the 5 “A”s...

5. ... (Pronounced “Arrrrrrr”)

This one is the most universal and can mean anything you want it to mean... As in...

“Ahoy matey, would ye be wantin’ to go to lunch?”

“Arrrgghhhh” (this could be a yes, or a no, depending on inflection...

“Arrrgggghhhh” can be used in place of any of the other 4 “A”s but be careful not to overuse it or it loses it efficacy...

(Would a pirate use the word “efficacy”?

Maybe not... but how about “Efficacy, Arrrrggghhhhh”? See? That works...)

The next step in TLAP is some basic rules...

First off, if you start every sentence with “Arrrgghhhh, me hearties” in a deep raspy voice (use that part of your vocal cords that you use when you’re clearing your throat... ) ye’ll find that the rest of pirate talkin’ be comin’ easy to  ya...

2. Double up on all your adjectives and then embellish... this is important!! A pirate would never speak of “working on a big Power Point project...”

Nope... a pirate would refer to it as “a great, grand undertakin’, fraught with scary danger, fancy charts, and peril!”.

“Going to lunch” would be “Arrrggghh.... We be headin’ out to fill our gullets with fine vittles and cheap grog...”

3. Drop all your “g”s when you speak... Working becomes “workin” and “going” becomes “goin’” and “pillaging” becomes “pillagin’”...

• Drop all your “v”s as well, in words like “never”, “over” and “every” so that they become “ne’er” and “o’er” and “e’ery”... you may have to practice that one a little...

• Learn how to change phrases like “I am” to “I be” and “you are” to “you be” and “they are” to “they be”...

• Growl and scowl often... Pirates don’t enunciate, nor do they ever look pleased... they mutter and growl...

• Be sure to run words together whenever possible... A simple sentence like... ‘The departments will be having a meeting” is NOT talking like a pirate... a pirate would say...

1. 1. “Arrrggghh...., Me and these here scurvy scallywags drug our sorry keesters out t’the foredeck for a good jawin’ with the rest of the crew, and we had us a grand great adventurrrrrrrrre”

• Be sure to embellish everything... Don’t say, “I saw a deer on the road on the way to work this morning”... not piratey enough...“Arrrggghh.... Me and the crew saw a great beastie off the bow of the land cruiser... it be huge and had great nasty horns!”

1. 1. Instead, TLAP speak would be...

• Always refer to yourself as “me”... never “I”...“I have a cold...” Instead, it would be “Arrrgggg...Got me a right nasty case of the sniffles, and ye be warned to keep yer distance...”

1. 1. It is not piratically correct to say....

• And finally... always substitute “Me” for “my”, and “meself” for “myself”.... For example... you wouldn’t say “Look at my new pen!” Or... “Lookit ya scurvy dogs... got meself and right fine scribin’ tool...”
• If you follow these simple rules, you be talkin’ like a pirate in no time... and if ye be so inclined, a fine gaudy parrot on yer shoulder and a patch on one eye (don’t get a patch for both eyes... it be makin’ it hard to walk about...) will add to the effect...Arrrrrghhhhh

1. So get ready mateys... September 19^th... by royal decree... Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!
2. And when you do any of the above... be as LOUD AS POSSIBLE! Pirates are not shy... Stand tall me hearties and let them know ye be a proud and noble pirate!

[peter c derose]

Said Arrrgggg to meself in the dirty  mirror & saw a scared scurvy dog looking back ye with a empty mug of grog !!!!!!!!!

[STICK]

YARRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!!