For those who served in the RVAH Community, their families, and friends!
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies.
While walking around the course, the English man’s wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers!
The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. “Well darling,” she explained, “you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices.” The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s a ten spot. Go to Mark’s and Spencer’s and get some knickers.”
Two holes further along the Irish Man’s wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again, her skirt was up over her head, revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.
“Well darling,” she explained, “you give me so little allowance, I cannot afford to buy undergarments.”
With that, the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s a five spot. Go to Woolworth’s and get some knickers.”
Three holes further on, the Scottish man’s wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others: Simply a lack of allowance. The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s a comb. At least you can tidy yourself up a bit.”
A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.
The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, “Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?” To which the mother replies, “Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work.”
The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, “Ahhhhhhh, C’mon lady!!!! Tell your daughter the truth, for crying out loud!!! They’re hookers!”
A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, “Mommy, do the ladies have any children?”
The mother replies, “Of course dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it is 20% off.
A Chinese Man asked his three daughters what their ideal man should be.
The first daughter said, “I want a man with three dragons on his chest.”
The second daughter said, “I want a man with two dragons on his arms.”
The third daughter said, “I want a man with one draggin’ on the ground.”
Two Pakistani men take a trip to the US.
During the trip one man says to the other “I hear they eat some kind of dogs in this country, maybe we should eat some dogs too so we can fit in”
As they are walking down the street, they see a sign with Hot Dogs printed on it. So the two men walk up to the hot dog stand and order two hot dogs.
When they receive them, the first man opens his up, looks inside, and says to his friend “what part did you get!”
Another Scottish joke (I have more than a few Scottish ancestors):
A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it.
He holds it up.
"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.
"Six pence," says the pharmacist.
"How much for a new one?"
The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandana, places it in his sporran and marches down the aisle and out the door of the pharmacy. A moment or two later a great shout goes up, followed by an even greater shout. The Scot walks into the pharmacy again, and back to the pharmacist.
"The regiment has taken a vote," the Scot says. "We'll have a new one."
Saved this one for sure! Thanks Steve. :)
Well... let the Irishman add to the mix...
Young Paddy O'Shea's been out drinking at the pub all night and when Murphy announces that it's closing time, Paddy attempts to stand up... and falls flat on his face... but being the stout man that he is, he tries again and again, he falls flat on his face...
But unbowed, he manages to crawl outside where he hopes that the cool night air will clear his head and allow him to gain his feet but to no avail... once again, flat on his face.
But being of stronger stuff, he finally crawls the 2 miles to his wee cottage where he manages to open the door. Thinking that he needs to present a strong front to the wife, he attempts to gain his feet once again, and once again, the floor meets his face...
Finally, he manages to crawl through the door, down the hall to his bedroom where he quietly attempts to stand once more and this time manages to fall into his bed where at last, he is where he needs to be and quickly falls asleep...
The next morning he awakes to his less than understanding wife standing over him...
"Good mornin' me bonny lass" he says, "And a good morning to you!"
"You were out drinking again last night" she says, obviously in no mood for his blarney, "weren't you?"
"Why do you say that?" he asks innocently...
"Because the pub called" she says, "You left your wheelchair there again!"
The ending was a surprise, and I shall pass it on to some Irish folks I know. Good one, Bill.
I'm..........done eating hot dogs!
Very diverse , John , cute toooooo !!!